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Let’s not beat about the bush – you and your lover want a great sex life. Here are five straightforward ways to make sure your sex-life stays hot.

1. Please yourself

No, masturbation is not just for lonely singletons! Taking the time to learn more about your body and what you enjoy is one of the best ways to improve your sex life. Whether that means getting yourself horny with an erotic book or some beautiful new lingerie – or just getting right down to it with your right hand and some time on your own in the bath. People in successful relationships usually report that they continue to masturbate regularly – it’s a sign of a healthy, happy libido. It also means that if you’re desperately horny there’s less pressure on your partner to join in – you can always DIY!

2. Wait for it…

If there’s one single factor that makes someone hornier than all get-out, it’s got to be anticipation. Rather than having lacklustre sex seven days a week, how about putting it off for as long as you can bear it? There’s nothing to stop you flirting or teasing your partner in the meantime – especially if you let them know they aren’t ‘allowed’ any sex for at least, say, a week. Perhaps you could let your mate know just what you’re planning to do to them when the time’s up. By the time you give in to your built-up desire, you should be about ready for the hottest session of frantic lovemaking you’ve ever had.

3. Talk about it

Okay, it’s not always so easy to tell your partner what you want. Particularly if there’s a problem that needs to be raised. Sexual performance can be a very touchy subject – be aware of your partner’s feelings, and try to concentrate on what you want rather than what you don’t want. Suggesting new ways to do things, or complimenting them when they hit the right buttons is less likely to send your lover into a sulk – try turning it into a game of ‘truth or forfeit’ where you both get to ask questions and think up saucy forfeits!

4. Surprise!

Predictability and routine are the enemies of thrilling sex – and while there’s nothing wrong with comforting, unspectacular sex, sometimes you might want to put a little sherbet back into the bedroom. Is there a favorite fantasy that you’ve always been a little scared to try out? Good! Never mind about feeling foolish. That nervousness and feeling of vulnerability will remind you of how you used to feel when you first started dating them. So do it. Go get the cowboy costume, the bondage gear or the whipped cream. It’ll get your pulse racing, and your partner will pick up on the tension as soon as they see you.

5. And relax…

Working too much, allowing stress to build up and life turn into a hamster-wheel of chores and bills, over indulging in food, alcohol or other drugs. None of these habits are likely to put you in the mood. So the golden rule for a sex-happy life is, chill out!

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The term “swinging” relates to sexual acts preformed by three or more people. It is not to be confused with ”polyamourous relationships,” wherein three or more people are in a mutually emotional committed relationship. The term swinging used to mean “wife swapping” and is considered a purely sexual act, with little or no emotional involvement.

Swinging is also a little different than an “open relationship.” In open relationships, both partners have the choice to see, or date other people, but live with their partner and are not looking for a committed relationship outside of the marriage or partnership, they just like to date other people occasionally. This can include sex but not always.

This is opposed to ”swinging,” which is entirely about sex.

Now that you know what the different terms mean, how safe is swinging? The first killjoy that comes to mind is a very real fear; AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. The next problem is the probability of getting involved with one other person who will be hurt afterward. This is why the traditional act of swinging is preformed by two couples, hence the outdated term of “wife swapping.”

This includes such sexual acts as exhibitionism, where two or more of the swingers will have sex while the other watches, soft swap, wherein the couples switch couples and engage in foreplay only, leaving actual intercourse with there private partners, or group sex, where all four people have sex with each other in the same room.

If swinging is mutually consensual and safe sex is practiced, there is typically no problem with swinging. You should know who you are involved with, though, and the best way of doing this is to join your local sex positive club. This is a private club where couples met and are screened before joining and the rules are hard and fast; absolute use of condoms is required, and you can not touch or try to force anyone to do anything that they don’t want to do. Try it and you will get kicked out immediately. It is a wide held opinion that sex positive clubs are the best and safest way to swing. This way you will avoid picking up another couple in a bar; for example, who you really have no idea what their true motives are.

Swinging in any other form than a controlled environment can be dangerous, as there are couples who prey on swingers, having sex and then stealing from them after they go to sleep. It does happen.

The other option is to swing with another couple that you have known for awhile. Be sure that you discuss all the rules with everyone involved, and make sure everyone agrees. Hurt feelings afterward do not make for great sex, which should be fun, safe, and consensual.

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